Take the door or the window?

An new opportunity stumbled its into my life forcing me pause and consider working life.   The question boils down to this….Do I want to purse the next step in my day job career or do I stay where I am?  Sounds simple enough but the issues behind the question are more complex.  I have achieved a delicate balance with my day job that allows me enough brain power to finish the work day and return home to write for a few hours.  A new day job would mean that time would be absorbed learning and the accompanying exhaustion.  The new opportunity would be longer days, more pay and more responsibilities.

I recognize that I will always have a day job; very few writers find themselves able to quit their day jobs and write.  So I had to ask myself, what is it I want?  Do I want to push the day job career or stay where I am?  I’m not happy.  It’s a job I do so my husband and I can afford our comfortable lifestyle.  I’ve worked hard to achieve the level of success I have with ten years under my belt and a known evil in my day.

I am also quickly approaching a milestone birthday, leaving behind a three in my age and replacing it with a four.   Milestone birthdays are a time to reassess.  Am I happy?  What do I want to change?  What am I afraid to change?  What is within my power to change?  The last question is the most important.  I’m not happy with my townhouse but the reality is I can’t change our economic condition or make the real estate market improve.  I’m happy with my personal life and want nothing to change there.  This leaves me with my work life.  I’m unhappy with my work life because I’m not doing what I love.  So then, the question is will the new job make me happy?

The answer is no.  I’m going to ignore the door that opened in front of me and instead stand by the window.  I’m doing this so I can continue the momentum I’ve been building in my writing.  On Friday night, the decision felt shiny and perfect.  The light of the weekend and the work week have allowed the doubts to creep forward.  I don’t want to advance in a job I don’t love.  It doesn’t mean I’m closing my window though because you never know when an opportunity may arrive that surprises you.

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